(Scroll down to the bottom of the page to read responses from community member questions.)

Advice

This is the place to post questions anonymously. If you are struggling with some issue (large or small), or if you were just curious about something, send me a message.

If this is your first time here, there are really only a few things you need to know.

  • Each question submitted here is a real question from a real person.

  • Even though I am a certified personal development coach, I am not a psychologist, therapist, or a social worker.  I am simply a man who worked a lot of jobs, met a lot of people, visited lots of places, and made lots of mistakes.  Any advice I offer here is simply that...advice.  Please don't hold me medically or professionally responsible  for your decisions.

  • You can submit your question anonymously.  Scroll down and write anything you want in the box below.

  • I will respond to the question either here on this page (scroll down below) or on the weekly Joker to King Podcast. (I can also contact you directly if you wish to leave your email.)

  • If you don't want to submit a question, but you just want to say hi, feel free to send that message also.

That's it.  Take care of yourself, and while you’re at it, take care of someone else.

Peace!

Responses from Dr. Brown

My responses to community member questions are written below. Responses are dated with the most recent ones listed first.

March 17, 2023

QUESTION:
I do have issues in being lonely as I don’t have as many people around me. Also I get bogged down at work in addition to running a side business. What should I do to calm down and to be at peace? I have tried meditation at times, but it seems to be always interrupted by something. Thank you.
—“Bobby”

RESPONSE:
Dear Bobby,
Thank you for your question. And thank you for being first on the advice page! That shows courage because I know there are others who heard this week’s mission of asking for advice here, but they were hesistant to speak up. So thanks for your vulnerability and strength!
There are three topics in your question that I want to address.
The first part of your question deals with loneliness. You said that you are lonely and don’t have many people around you. Those are sometimes two different things. Sometimes, you can be surrounded by crowds of people and still feel lonely. Other times, you can be at home by yourself and NOT feel lonely. What this means is that being alone and being lonely are two different things. Therapists and counselors define loneliness as feeling unable to connect with others. So if you feel lonely, you have to discover ways of connecting. This could mean finding new likeminded friends. Or it could mean finding new ways to be vulnerable with the friends you already have. There are many ways to connect with others. In fact, keep listening to the podcast because an announcement is coming about the “Joker to King Virtual Men’s Group” launching in June.
The second part of your question has to do with feeling bogged down at work and running your side business. I’ve always been a big believer that there is no such thing as time management. (We can’t manage things that we can’t touch or control.) There is no time management. There is TASK management. The key is NOT to find more time to do all of your tasks. The key is to reduce the number of tasks you have. Instead of doing so many tasks and barely getting them done, I would rather see you do only a few tasks and perform them excellently. We really do way too much sometimes. Identify three or four priorities at your job, and then learn how to delegate the rest. If you can’t delegate tasks to someone else, learn how to delegate tasks to automation. (Contact me if you need help with that.)
The third part of your question deals with calming down and being at peace. If you are not calm or at peace right now, then that means you are probably feeling the opposite of peaceful, which is stressed or anxious or heightened in some kind of way. (I advise you to take another listen to Joker to King Podcast episode 11 right HERE.) Throughout our week, we all ebb and flow between stress and calm, between anxiety and peace. There are things we do each day to regulate our nervous systems, such as taking a walk, deep breathing, talking with friends, laughing at a TV show, or listening to positive music. HOWEVER, if what you are dealing with is a constant and persistent sense of stress or anxiety or heigtened emotion, then some other strategies may be necessary (like meditation or counseling or therapy).
Finally, in your question, you said that you tried meditation but it keeps getting interrupted by something. Are those interruptions external or internal? External interruptions (such as kids knocking on the door, or a phone ringing, or a dog barking) are relatively easy to fix. Simply remove the distractions when it’s time to meditate. Or take five minutes in your job’s parking lot to meditate alone before going inside to work. However, if the interruptions are internal (such as racing thoughts, or worries about your to-do list, or a mixture of feelings and thoughts that you are trying to avoid), then you may need to rethink what meditation means. Meditation is not about controlling the thoughts in your mind. Meditation involves objectively observing the thoughts and feelings that come up and just noticing them…kind of like imagining your thoughts as clouds in the sky. Your mind is the wide open clear sky. Your thoughts are the clouds that float into your line of sight and then float away. You don’t try to control the movement of clouds. You don’t try to push clouds away. You can’t do that. So the key is to simply watch them come, notice what they look like, and then watch them go.
I hope this helps!